I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
