Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
