I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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