Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?