I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.