I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is my gift to your gina
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool