Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Bring me that man meat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
