what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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