i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
