i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
