I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
