just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
