i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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