Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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