I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
