who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
