I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
