he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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