if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You have to summon your inner elephant
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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