a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
