May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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