Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
