I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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