My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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