Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
