I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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