sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
