i already hear my dad disowning me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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