i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
