Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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