So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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