Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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