I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
