Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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