My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
