Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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