Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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