someone threw a dead crab at me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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