glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
