Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
