I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
