so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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