so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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