I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
