I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
