We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
