How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
