I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
