she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
