All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
