Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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