i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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