How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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