Capitaan dildo arrescate!
accomplished twins. life is a go
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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