I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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