he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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