The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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