If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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