Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
