you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize