Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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